Before I get started here, I just wanted to extend my sincerest and deepest thanks to all of you that posted on my last post on burnout. I know it’s a really sensitive issue; one of those things we don’t talk about. I really appreciate those of you who opened up and answered my questions honestly. It painted the picture that I thought to be true. It’s not glamorous. It’s not sugar coated. But it’s real. And I appreciate the honesty.
Secondly, another thank you to EMS Outside Agitator. He dedicated a whole post addressing my fears, questions, and concerns. The directness of it made me uncomfortable at times, but in a way that makes you examine your thoughts, feelings, and heart. So I thank you for that.
I don’t think I’m burnt yet—at least I certainly hope not. But I do worry about it. After a tough call, the officers and senior members suggest you do something to blow off steam. The typical suggestions are made: exercise, talking, spending time with non-EMS providers, hobbies, etc. We’ve all heard it a million times already.
As a newbie, I was thoroughly enthralled with EMS. Everything was so new and exciting. At a young age, I was doing things I’d only seen in movies. It all seemed so unreal. I was a part of something bigger than myself. I was making a difference. I belonged.
I threw myself into my work partly because I loved it, and partly because I had nothing else. Initially, the latter never really crossed my mind. I was so in love with what I was doing, that I never had a reason to examine what was happening outside of that life. But now that the newness and novelty of it is wearing off, I’m starting to see that I have nothing else, no place to vent. And this is what scares me.
Work fulfilled my social needs. Going to a community college doesn’t allow me to create the strong friendships and lifelines that I thrived on (and took for granted) in my high school career. When I’m not at the station, I feel overwhelmingly alone. Time to myself is one thing, and I do value that. But there’s something deeper and more prolonged about this that crosses the border from a relaxing solitude to a disconcerting isolation. Maybe if I were older, wiser, and stronger, I would take solace in my abundant alone time. But I’m young, learning, and growing; so many times, I just find it discouraging.
Health issues make it difficult for me to exercise, which is frustrating when competitive swimming was my identity for 11 years. And EMS was so much fun before, that it kind of was my hobby. I don’t have much else to fall back on when EMS gets to be too much, or when I need to unwind and take a break. I’m taking an art class to see if painting could be a potential hobby for me.
But in the meantime, I worry. Doing nothing but EMS is going to raise the temperature in the oven, and it’s going to burn me quicker. And what if it gets to the point where I don’t want to do this anymore? I’ve lost the important stress reliever in my life before. It was awful. It felt like I lost my identity; like everything I was no longer applies. And that was a terrible place to be.
I love EMS. And I want to love it for as long as possible. But I worry that the end will come too fast, and that I might not have the stamina or skills to stay here long enough to make a difference. I know, it sounds like a silly thing to worry about. But that’s where I am. That’s why I worry about burn out.
And I guess that’s my rather raw, un-eloquent post.
If you are smart, or in any way motivated, you won’t last long in EMS. Pretty soon the combination of the insanity of the system, coupled with lousy pay, horrible management, stress and increasing overuse of a system already at breaking point will cause you, and most others you come in with to move on to a profession that values you.
EMS is what you make of it. You say you might get burnt out eventually. Take a class whether it be an instructor class or a critical care class that sparks that excitement in your again. I certainly did this. Hell I even changed companies and started running vent calls. I was so proud of myself for going beyond the normal scope of practice. Instructor classes allow the good medics to give back to the new guys in more ways than you know. I have taught so many new people about lab values, vent settings, and even 15 leads. I love seeing someone become just as excited as I am about learning and that’s what makes great paramedics. If you really feel that isolated sometimes, consider taking up a part time job. I work 2 full time jobs and despite 7 day work weeks sometimes, I have met some really great people at both places. I have made friends and hang out with them outside of work. It’s nothing to fixate on I assure you. The more you worry about it the bigger that feeling will get. Take it in stride and keep moving forward. Health concerns can be a hinderance but there are also ways to work around them. You just might have to work with someone to help you figure out creative ways to go about it. Don’t give up hope. And if all else fails and you don’t want completely out of EMS, think about teaching. There aren’t enough great instructors out there to pass on their short cuts and wealth of knowledge to the new guys. A friend of mine who’s a flight medic now in Texas says he’s burnt out, but watching the smile on his face and the glow he gets when he has interesting calls shows me otherwise. Maybe he is burnt out, but he still has a gift that I wish he wouldn’t waste on switching careers. Not everyone makes it to flight work. This blog seems like it helps you channel some of that anxiety about getting burnt out. Maybe consider writing more than a blog. Not everyone can write either. Best of luck to you.
I’ve been in EMS for 10 years, I can tell you that its the best job you will ever have, but you have to be smart about it. Remember ITS JUST A JOB! Its great, facinating, intresting, but none the less ITS JUST A JOB! If you over work yourself it will burn you out, doesn’t matter if you make all the money in the world.
Right now you’re looking at the train tracks, watching the train coming and worrying, “What if I trip, fall, and can’t get up?!”
Some day, if you stick with it long enough, you will wake up and ask yourself “What the hell am I doing here?” Now you’re wondering what you’ll do when that day comes! It’s part of the territory of working on the edge of life and death. That’s what you do, you know, and that means you have more “shadow” in your life than most. Look at the people you work ON! Do you think you’re immune from picking up a small part of it? It’s called questioning humanity as a whole, which, unfortunately, includes you!
You can keep these experiences bottled up inside, but the pressure keeps increasing. The more unresolved issues you keep packing in to the small space called your heart, the worse it becomes and after a while, you lose track of the specifics and all that’s left is a very tight knot in your gut that won’t go away and even comes out to bite you in the ass when you’re far away from the work environment and at home with your loved ones.
But I trust you can see I’m pointing at the light at the end of the tunnel; most of this stuff can be WORKED THROUGH if you face it. Yes, I hope I made you a little uncomfortable because once you can see something and name it, half the battle is won. Now, it boils down to getting into the specifics.
IMHO you’re taking a big risk that all in EMS need to see happen more often; you’re facing this before it eats you up. For that I have great thanks!
As hard as it may seem right now, this is your path AWAY from burnout. After you go through the pain of adjustment, you may actually come to understand your role better, and through that find a new, much deeper satisfaction in the work.
It is my position that most medics could work stuff like this out with each other if they really began to #1) Listen, and #2) Answer honestly. It is my position that the ones MOST qualified to help Newbies like yourself learn to work through stuff like this are the very people in EMS who are most silent.
The part that concerns me is your isolation. I’m interested to know what are the things that you feel you can’t talk to anyone about? There are things you need to sort through and sometimes that stuff is much much harder to carry alone. I’ve said it before, anonymous EMS Forums are becoming safe havens for many to bring stuff up that rocks their worlds. It’s all about recognizing you’re not alone.
Is there one person within your service (or an allied professional in, say, nursing) who you could invite out for a beer (yes I said A beer!) and just talk without fear of judgment? Reach out and touch someone! Be aware, though, that it may take a little observation of you peers until you find someone with whom you can feel safe. I say maybe one in five EMS workers is able and willing to go to some deeper places.
Some medics understand when you step into such honesty, the healing that results goes both ways and it actually feels good to be a part of it!
Remember, like shock, burnout is a system-complex that creeps up on you. Early recognition of the things you know you’re not doing to avoid it is a very good place to be. In that you have hope!